Mary Begansky Schapanick

From the time that I can remember, my mom provided a home full of love.  She was a wife, a mother, and a full time factory worker.  On top of all of the above, she was the glue that held our family together.

When not working, Mom kept our house spotless, cooked, and hand washed our clothing.  Saturdays were for house cleaning.  Sundays were for washing clothing and cooking.

Mom was one heck of a cook and baker.   Some of the dishes that she took pride in were her:  eggplant and veal, Southern fried chicken, galumpkis (stuffed cabbage), Swedish meatballs, and (my favorite dish) pork chops, mashed potatoes, sauerkraut and dark gravy.  I would mix all these ingredients together and have the best meal ever.

My mother  was also an outstanding baker.  She was a specialist in puddings, whether they be rice, bread, tapioca or Indian.  She could also bake unbelievable cakes and pies.  Here mocca layer cake was to die for.  Her pumpkin and apple pies were out of this world.  To this day, I compare everyone’s meals to my mom’s and no one even comes close.

Mary Begansky Schapanick did not have a easy life.   She came from a small coal mining town in Pennsylvania and moved to Brooklyn when she was young.  In Brooklyn she was fortunate to be employed by a loving, Jewish family who taught her how to bake and cook and take care of their beautiful home.

From time to time Mom would mention her experiences with this family.  Being young, I never realized how hard my mother had to work and the daily pressures that she was under.  It was hard to grasp the magnitude of her responsibilities as a young woman.  I now truly appreciate her hard work and dedication to our family.

My mom was always preaching honesty, kindness and courtesy to my sister and me.  I was taught to address elders  by Mr. or Mrs., to be friendly but not outspoken, and not treat people differently because of their religion, or ethnic origin.

One comment that my mother made over and over to me was,  “If you want to go out with a girl, remember to treat her with respect and treat her like she was your sister.  Always treat girls with respect and kindness.”

Unfortunately, I never really had an opportunity to sit down and ever have a deep conversation with my mother regarding where I truly came from, what her background was like, how she met my real father, and what had motivated her to make the changes in her life that she made.

All of these questions which remain in my mind today, will never be answered.  Coming from an era of keeping secrets, as well as  the development of Alzheimer’s, took away my opportunity for an authentic understanding of my family background.

Mary passed away at age 84 due to complications from Alzheimer’s.  The disease robbed her of her ability to think and process her thoughts. There are so, so many unanswered questions that I will always have, but I will always remember a strong, loving smile that reached out to guide our family through the hard times.

“Mom, thank you for all that you have given me.  I truly appreciate your hard work and dedication to our family.  Now that I have a wonderful family of my own, I can see how strong you were.   I will always love you.”

Your son, Benny.