Kristin with her beloved Mae Mae.
My grandmother was born in Altoona, WI and she always considered the Chippewa Valley home no matter where she lived. She was the embodiment of what I believe a “true” Christian should be. She never, ever said an unkind word about anyone, she worked tirelessly about the house or garden and joyfully sang hymns whether scrubbing floors on her hands and knees or canning vegetables for about 2 weeks straight on the farm. She never missed church, and until the day she died – tithed 10% of her meager $800 a month Social Security check to the church because; “there are so many people worse off than me.” That was all the money on earth she had – lived paycheck to paycheck her entire life, but never complained.
Mae Mae was my joy, my light and my best buddy. We did a lot together; garage sale-ing or just “bumming” – one of our favorite activities. She also thought I had hung the moon – I was spoiled in the best possible sense and she made me believe I could do or accomplish anything I set my mind to. We never had money growing up, in fact we were downright poor, but I had endless amounts of love and hugs and no one gave better hugs that my Mae Mae.
After my grandfather died suddenly in 1996, Mae Mae moved from IL back to WI and I took an anchor job at WQOW-TV 18 in Eau Claire, so my husband and I could be closer to her. She did well living on her own in Augusta for about 5 years, but then we started noticing small things; she’d forget to turn off burners on the stove for our weekly Sunday lunches that she took such pride in, she would have food stains on her clothing and not notice them, her home, which had always been meticulous – started to be in disarray and she started to accumulate strange things like empty bank envelopes, pieces of string and yarn, etc…and she could not bear to part with them.
Around 2002-2003, she had a series of mini-strokes and her short-term memory deteriorated as a result – once she was in her attic looking for something and couldn’t remember how to get downstairs and panicked. Her house had a total square footage of about 1,000 feet, and there was only one very obvious way out – but she was very confused and frightened.
Around this time, she also had more physical health issues especially with severe pain in her back and hips and her kidneys. I remember taking her to one of her many doctors appointments that I always accompanied her to and finally asked the Dr. to test her for memory loss/Alzheimer’s. The results were heartbreaking – even more so, when during the test she looked to me for encouragement if she had gotten the answers correct. John F. Kennedy was President, right, Kris? Today is Wednesday. It wasn’t. She couldn’t remember a sequence of 3 colors or 3 numbers. Fast forward another year when it became necessary for me, with a brand new baby, to find her an assisted living facility, pack up her house and move her in about 3 days. She adjusted for a time and seemed content. As the Alzheimer’s progressed, we would talk more of the past, laugh at stories I’d heard 200 times before, go through photo albums, and she’d sing while I played the piano – always hymns – the words and tunes never left her.
Around 2005, my grandmother started wandering away from her apartment, often when it was dangerously cold out and also became belligerent with the caregivers where she was living. She was asked to leave – as soon as possible. I had about a week to find a suitable facility and once again, I had to pack up and move her to another strange environment. This was also the time life truly came full circle. Just as she had cared for me as a helpless infant, I began having to clean up after her, including when she used the bathroom. I would also help feed her. I remember one time she had thrown up all over herself while she was at my house visiting. She was lucid and so embarrassed by the indignity, but I’d just smile and say; “you know what Mae Mae, it’s my turn to take care of you – no big deal – I know you wiped my bottom plenty of times and I made a lot of messes.” And then we’d laugh, but in truth, it broke my heart.
Her days were tedious, boring and confusing – but her physical health remained stable until February of 2007. I visited her every day, helped her eat, talked to her on the phone twice a day,etc…when one day, she asked me to help her from the couch to her bed and get her in a nightie. She never left her bed again. For about 10 days she drifted in and out, refusing nourishment. My Mom arrived from Texas to say goodbye, my Uncle from IL was unable to handle the prospect of his mother dying so did not make the trip. I took my kids late one Saturday night, at 8 and almost 4 years old at the time – in their PJ’s to visit Mae Mae because I had a feeling the end was near. She had not spoken or moved in days. I held the kids over her bed to tell her goodnight, when suddenly she lifted her head off the bed and physically kissed each of them goodbye and told them she loved them. It was a holy moment. She never said another word or acknowledged another person. She died with me holding her hand, telling her to go to the music where the church bells were ringing, 14 hours later. I miss her every day. She was my sweetheart.
– Kristin Everett
Kristin honors Mae Mae with a some What the Zel bling.
Set #105 – A multi-strand necklace of yellow beads with yellow beaded earrings.